Explaining

I’m currently reading the Richard Ford trilogy The Sportswriter, Independence Day and The Lay of the Land. So far I have read the first two. They are excellent reading.

On page 223 (Vintage paperback edition) of The Sportswriter, there are two quotes:

“Explaining is where we all get into trouble.”

And further down the page

“Some things can’t be explained. They just are. And after a while they disappear, usually forever, or become interesting in another way.”

I am married to a woman. I am, and always have been, physically attracted to men.

Why does this blog exist? To explain that? If so, perhaps that is a fundamental flaw.

When I think back over the past several years I have definitely gotten into trouble for more reasons than just trying to explain things. But explaining – or attempting to explain – has never gotten me out of trouble. In fact it’s led to some trouble of its own.

My, our, situation just is. After a while it will definitely disappear forever. In the meantime perhaps it will become interesting in another way. Or maybe it already has.

Since last posting my younger child has moved away from home to pursue her dream. I have gone off of and back on my antidepressants...a useful reminder that it takes a village (of groups, individuals and chemicals) to keep Flip sane. My wife and I are planning and preparing for a new phase of our life together. A new location, new jobs, it’s all on the table. But we’re planning together.

My struggles remain the same. Some days what’s right wins out, other days it doesn’t. But as of today I remain sober. And I remain mindful that’s a gift…of life and hope that could be gone by now.

Why have I been given this gift?

No explanation needed or given. It just is.

Love to you all,

K