Cease-Fire

On page 84 of Alcoholics Anonymous (often referred to as "The Big Book") it says, "And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone--even alcohol."

One of my daily meditation reads is Daily Reflections, A Book of Reflections by AA Members for AA Members. Today's entry reads, in part:

I am learning to practice acceptance in all circumstances of my life, so that I may enjoy peace of mind. At one time life was a constant battle because I felt I had to go through each day fighting myself, and everyone else. Eventually this became a losing battle. I ended up getting drunk and crying over my misery. When I began to let go and let God take over my life I began to have peace of mind. Today, I am free. I do not have to fight anybody or anything anymore.

I should add that after giving up drinking I periodically (at times frequently) acted out sexually as another way of trying to fight the reality of my life...to fulfill needs that I did not see any other way of fulfilling.

For today I don't have to do that. Today I am enjoying the daily reprieve that can be mine every day I choose to practice the 12 Step principles in all affairs of my life.

I've recently had a blog "comment dialog" with Troll regarding, in part, the living of an authentic life. I'm pretty sure I don't know exactly how to define an authentic life, but the definition I'm choosing right now is a serene life. Or to be more specific, I am choosing for now to gauge the authenticity of the life I'm living by my level of serenity.

A lot of my serenity today depends on not fighting anyone or anything. I used to fight all the time. Fight my sexual preferences, the life I had chosen for myself, the blessings that were bestowed upon me, the love of others, the hatred of society. On and on, fight fight fight. For today, that's over. And when I feel that old fighting urge, I turn to page 84 in The Big Book and follow the prescription for a return to serenity. 1) I ask God to remove whatever is making me want to fight, which is always my selfishness, fear, dishonesty or resentment, 2) I discuss the situation with someone (like a sponsor or another alcoholic/addict), 3) I make amends if I have harmed anyone, and then 4) I turn my thoughts to someone else I can help (and take action on helping them).

So far, I don't take these steps often or quickly enough, but I'm getting a lot better at it and it is paying off in serenity. And my life feels pretty authentic today. I accept it, embrace it, the way it is playing out.

I'm sharing what's working for me. For today. I'm not "cured." I'm not "saved." And I'm surely not saying this will work for you. But if you're still fighting anyone or anything, don't give up. I know there is an answer for you too.

I hope all of you are having an authentically serene Sunday today - or whatever day today is when and where you are reading this.

I love you guys ("guys" in a non-gender-specific way).

F