Sweet Surrender

Here’s an update on my friend / coworker. Her lab results came back inconclusive. It may be something minor or something “sinister” (actual word the doctor used). Follow up test is scheduled for Monday. I continue to hope and pray for the best and try very hard to not anticipate anything that is not confirmed. Surrender. Apparently the theme of the week. Perhaps the theme for the year.

Surrender? Not yet I guess. I feel so frightened for her. My mind wanders to how unfair this will be if it is something sinister. Surrender. I cannot control the outcome. I must remind myself that surrendering is not the same as denying the feeling. I numbed myself for so long. It is so hard now to feel the feelings. I just have to let them wash over me in waves without getting swept away.

I just realized what is playing on my Ipod as I type. Sarah McLachlan. “Sweet Surrender.” Synchronicity? An amazing phenomenon that reminds me of my higher power.

“Sweet surrender is all that I have to give.”