Believing Is Seeing

When I was growing up my grandmother tried both frequently and valiantly to make me into the religious person she wanted me to be. As part of our ongoing dialogue I remember her trying to explain her understanding of faith and how it allowed her to suspend any expectation of the rational or logical in religion. If she were around today I'm sure she would disagree with my interpretation of what she was trying to teach me, but that's what it sounded like to me. And I found it ludicrous.

Today I find myself in the very strange, ironic situation of starting to understand the concept of faith as it relates to spirituality and my life in general.

Along with some books I have already cited as part of my (what should be) daily routine of readings and meditations I read a daily passage from the book Streams in the Desert which was originally published in 1925 (the copy I have was published in 1966). I just happened upon it in a used bookstore and for some reason it called out to me. It is very Christian-centric as opposed to the more generic spiritual approach taken by my other daily readings. I enjoy that contrast, and even though I am not a Christian it frequently communicates what I need to hear.

The Streams in the Desert message from yesterday is summed up by this quote:

Faith is to believe what we do not see, and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe.
- St. Augustine

Incredibly, I understand this now from a couple of different perspectives.

I understand faith because I have seen it work in my own life. It did not, and still does not, make sense to me how following AA's Twelve Steps could help me stop drinking. And the beauty of this is that one does not have to understand it. In fact it is strongly suggested that one NOT try to figure it out. One only needs a shred of faith that the approach might work (or more often desperation-invoked or court-ordered willingness) for it to start working. When I go to meetings and talk to other alcoholics I see many lives that have not only been saved but also unbelievably improved by starting with a tiny bit of faith.

I am also now beginning to understand faith as it relates to spirituality (sorry...still choking on the "r" word). The first eleven words in Step Twelve state one of the side benefits of following the steps:

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

A spiritual awakening? Good grief. When I first started getting sober I paid no attention to that...and if I had I would have thought it complete bullshit anyway. Now I'm starting to experience it.

I've seen the power of faith within AA and am now beginning to see the power of faith in the rest of my life. I don't know who or what God is, but I have faith that my higher power exists. I believe it without needing to understand it. But though it is faith without scientific understanding, it is not blind faith. I see, hear from and experience my higher power all around me. And the more I surrender to my faith the more I experience.

For me, for today, believing is seeing.

It's a gift. A TRUE gift. Unearned, undeserved, but granted still.

Take care,

Flip

PS Back with L's shortly.