Simple

Last week I had a couple of conversations with my higher power, summarized versions of which I posted. Although I’ve started trying the conversation thing, it doesn’t mean I believe that my higher power speaks to me directly. When God speaks to me directly it always sounds too much like me to seem credibly "higher." On the other hand I do believe God speaks to me through other people, other things in my life. (There is a whole theological discussion we could have right now about whether there really is a god who has the time and/or need to speak to me, or whether I am just tuning in to a deeper part of myself, or something else. While that may be interesting, I don’t think it matters as long as I’m getting a meaningful, helpful message.)

Yesterday I received some meaningful, helpful messages:

1) Nate's post “Compasses,” and in particular an anonymous comment on that post asking Nate some very insightful questions.
2) A newspaper article entitled “Control Issues” with a subheading that says, “In a society that offers bountiful temptation – pornography, gambling, drugs, alcohol, fast food, credit – and no shame, self-restraint may be the most important personal trait of the 21st century.”
3) A Step One AA meeting where several people talked about the loss of integrity and the abject shame that is felt by “closet drinkers” which sounded similar to the situation of "closet cheaters."

As a result of these messages, I asked myself a few difficult questions...questions that admittedly I have asked myself before.

1) If I were my wife’s father, what would I think of her husband (me) and the way he has treated my daughter and continues to treat her (whether she knows it or not). If I were her father and I knew what I know about Flip, what would I advise her to do?
2) If one of my daughters married someone like me, how would I feel about that situation? That person? What would I advise my daughter to do if he did the things I have done over the past five years?
3) Am I using a lot of drama and complication related to my feelings, temptations, shame, self-esteem, fellow bloggers, addictions, pseudo-psychology, and you-name-it as a smokescreen to hide the simple truth that what I need is a little self-restraint which can be motivated by the Golden Rule and my higher power?

This time I answered them:

1) I would not like Flip. I might feel sorry for him but would still think he is basically a loser. I would advise my daughter to wish him well as she departs, and let him go off to spend as much time as he needs to figure out who/what he is while she gets on with her life – hopefully finding someone who is a little more mature and a lot more thoughtful - to spend the rest of it with.
2) See 1).
3) Yes

It's just that simple.

F