Catching Up

Haven't been in much of a blogging mood lately.

Very busy/frustrated/angry at work - almost on a daily basis. The silver lining is that work problems are the biggest, most overwhelming problems vs. home / mental / emotional problems.

But those other guys are always hanging out on the front porch should they need to dash back in the house.

Last month my younger child graduated from high school. Very precious family times. I am so blessed to have them. Dr. M pointed out how lucky I am that my wife did not shut the door on our future when I tried to move out three+ years ago. He is right.

My confusion is not resolved.

A while back when requesting a prognosis from Dr. M regarding my life / sexuality issues he stated he thought it was something I would always struggle with (at least until I get so old my "thing" falls off). I really like that summary / prognosis. It's not fatal. And it doesn't make me evil that I haven't found the perfect answer. It's an ongoing struggle.

A struggle like we all have as humans.

Spiritual learning is particularly interesting to me these days. My current area of amateur study is learning more about Gnostic Christianity. This is helping answer some spiritual / religious questions I've had. As I understand it (having just scratched the surface) Gnostic Christianity represents Christianity as you might imagine Christ would model it for his followers, not as it might be interpreted by humans with all the weaknesses that we possess. One sticking point with many of today's Christians is the belief by some Gnostics that Christ was a mythical figure rather than a real man. Perhaps when someday I am living as the person I aspire to be - caring and loving of others consistently and without selfishness - then splitting the real man / myth hair will be meaningful to my continued improvement.

Regarding the ever-present question, "Has Flip stayed zipped?" the answer is, "More often than not, but not completely." Sounds like something I will always struggle with. Part of my struggle is working toward an ideal without being overly hard or easy on myself when I stray from my path. As of today I'm not particularly pleased with my behavior but I am not suicidal about it. Perhaps I just like myself a little bit more than I used to. At least for now.

Peace to you, my friends.

Flip