Cerebral Casserole

What’s on my mind today?

Denial
In this week’s therapy session it finally dawned on me that just because I don’t think I am in denial about anything, it doesn’t mean I’m not in denial. That’s actually what denial is all about and the things I am most sure I don’t feel are the very things I am denying. I know…duh! Unfortunately I think I also have an idea what I am denying. But let’s not talk about that right now.

God / My HP
Alcoholics Anonymous has introduced me to spirituality. It still seems very unnatural (OK, and embarrassing) for me to talk about this, but I now have a concept of a higher power which sometimes I refer to as “god” but more often just, well, my “higher power.” I don’t know much about my HP other than when I pray to it my life goes better. It may be something outside me, inside me, both, neither or nothing at all. I really don’t know. I hope someday to have a better concept of it, but for now am content with the mystery.

A Friend
I have a really good friend / coworker who is unexpectedly undergoing some medical tests today that I fear may be cancer or something equally awful. I am praying for her. I don’t know if this will help her or not, but it is helping me. Two years ago if you had told me I would be praying for someone at some point in my life I would have laughed out loud in your face. Or more likely behind your back.

Surrender
Exactly two weeks ago I was at an emotional low point - feeling both completely pissed off and completely hopeless. Today I am feeling on top of the world or at least as if the summit is in sight. I have faith that all will work out exactly as it should. I'm comfortable with the realization that I can surrender control over the outcome of things as long as I do my best each day to do the right thing for the right reason.

Oh well, I guess the casserole is kind of bland today. Thanks for trying it anyway.

Cheers.

Flip