More Afraid
Written in response to comments on my previous post.
Spider et al: I sincerely apologize for my insensitive implied judgment of anonymous sex. What I was trying to communicate was my feeling about ME personally engaging in it behind my wife's back and I REALLY missed the mark. What I wrote does not represent my feelings about anonymous sex that anyone else engages in, married, unmarried, partnered or unpartnered, and I really really didn't mean it to come across the way it so blatantly did. I realize everyone's circumstances are different and it is not my place to judge what they do. If I had taken a little time to read and reflect on what I had written (wow, a novel idea Flip!) before posting I might have realized what I was actually communicating.
I hope anyone who read those words will please accept my humble apologies and "strike them from the record."
They are now officially struck from the post.
Hypoxic, Spider and Bibydays (and many others), you are true friends to me and I feel the hugs.
Writing "Afraid" really helped me realize that I need to start immediately on my Eighth and Ninth Steps (making my amends) otherwise I will eventually start drinking again, and then it's all over.
Once more, I'm sorry for any judgment of anyone other than myself that the previous post communicates or previously communicated. It was written in complete ME mode....as usual.
Thanks, and hugs to you all!!
Flip
7 comments:
Flip - there are no apologies necessary as far as I am concerned. If anything, I probably owe YOU the apology... this is your blog - your space and your corner of the universe - and you should be free and open to write what you want. I was the one that came on a little "strong" in my post - I knew where you were coming from... and I certainly understand it...
Just remember, friends let friends blog - and we support each other...
Um, okay, maybe I can put this into my perspective. (To shed more light on this you can read my first post at my blog.)
As the son of a gay dad, to me, his sexual activities, once I learned of his preferences, never bothered me a bit. I couldn't possibly care less about any one night stands he may or may not have had.
What bothered me the most was the abscence of his love after he found a partner. I guess he may have felt that it was easier for everyone involved just to stay out of the picture. That is a heavy fine to impose upon your child. I did not care whether he was gay, straight, bisexual, whatever.
When I finally caught "Brokeback", the person that I most identified with was Ennis's daughter. After Ennis and his wife had divorced, she asked if she could stay with him for a while. He responded that it "wasn't a good time." I got a lot of that from my Dad, it never was a good time. (I'd had almost verbatim the same conversation.)
I guess what I'm getting at, is people can accept a lot more than you think. The love just has to be there.
And, I think you have a lot of love to share, my friend.
Flip, I feel a bit of the pain and fear you're going through and, yeah, we're all here for you. And as Spider said, this is YOUR forum to say whatever you feel... You should voice how you feel in here without censoring yourself, unless you feel it's completely out of line. Honesty can't be achieved until you're honest with your self... and being able to put out there how you honestly feel without regrets is a big step.
And what Brad said, wow... I've never thought of it from that perspective. It sheds a lot of light on the people involved and how they all tie in together.
Flip, you have to know we all love you. As long as we keep supporting each other, it has to be good.
Posting, getting comments, learning from them are part of why I have come to love this world. Never take what you said back - learn, revise, but don't start to self censor. That is not good for you and definitely not good for us.
A non-equitor if I might. You refer to amends - the eighth step. This morning discussing things with my shrink I refered to amends as the eighth step (my mother in law again) and he said it was the fourth step - what is the fourth step?
Nate fka bibydays
Thanks again to everyone for your love and feedback. I really do feel this blog is my little piece of the universe.
When I read Spider's comment it dawned on me that what I was wrong in writing what I did. Not maliciously wrong, but wrong nevertheless. What I wrote did not accurately communicate what I wanted to communicate. I wanted to immediately right that wrong.
In retrospect perhaps I came across more like Dobbie the House Elf (Harry Potter) than necessary. I'm still learning moderation in a lot of areas.
Thanks to everyone for helping me in my quest. And special thanks to Brad. What an amazing message.
Cheers everyone!
Thanks for your comment, Nate.
I'm still learning about the blog world and in retrospect I probably wouldn't have reposted, I would have just posted a subsequent correction. But I was really pressed for time over the weekend and wanted more than anything to set things right. I didn't censor because I thought I had offended anyone, it was because what I wrote didn't reflect what I meant. But I did want to make sure I had not inadvertently offended anyone. And the last thing I want to do is make anyone shy about commenting.
My parenthetical reference to amends was connected to Step Nine. Step Eight is making the list of people to whom amends need to be made.
For reference, the exact wording from The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 59.
Step Four - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Step Eight - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step Nine - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
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