For You or For Me?
I'm reflecting a bit on blogging which honestly means feeling some self-doubt that is manifesting itself in several ways, including questioning myself on blogging.
I understand that this is my blog, my forum...perhaps even an extension of me. Well, I swing from sure of myself and my path to doubting, yes worrying, all the way. Why shouldn't my blog? Perhaps it does. I really don't feel like reading what I have written, therefore I'm probably just reacting to my most recent writing. Or perhaps not.
Part of my self-doubt process involves trying to imagine how and what my readers experience - well more honestly - what they think of my blog, and since it's an extension of me, what they think of me. OK, let's get a little more honest. I want you to like me. Sometimes. Then I realize that not only does it not matter what you think of me, it is really none of my business. And to elaborate even further, worrying about if you like me, what you think of me, and what you think of what I'm writing probably makes what I write less honest, less meaningful for readers and less helpful for me. OK, now I don't care what you think of me. I'm a liar. Now I realize that I do care, but I need to moderate that.
Uh oh, here I go again. Can I write one single post without relating it to alcoholism, recovery and / or AA? Hmmm. We'll see. Did that just count?
Ugh. How many readers have I lost because they think, "Here comes Flip. Hide the liquor and brace yourself?" But I don't care about that. Well, actually I do but I know I shouldn't and sometimes I don't.
Why do I write most posts in Word, then proofread, edit, simplify? Because I want to write well. Why? Because it's important to me. Are you sure it's not because you're afraid of what your readers might think of you if you make a mistake? Well, probably. But I really don't want to be that way. And I know that it matters not a bit to me if someone else makes a mistake in grammar, spelling or typing in their blog. And that's the truth. If I like them I overlook a lot. Well, what if you don't particularly like them but you respect them, or maybe even you don't like them but you like to read what they say because....um, because you like to? Huh?
Wow. To borrow from the regal ruler of Austria (can't remember if he was a prince, emperor, king or what) in the movie Amadeus, "Too many words."
I like you. I hope you like me. But I don't care if you don't. But I do care. But I don't want you to care if I like you or not, because I don't want you to change for me. I love you just the way you are. Unless you irritate me. Then it takes me a few minutes alone, and I'll love you just the way you are. Unless I hate you. Which probably means I love you. Just the way you are.
You're right. I didn't write this in Word first.
Bye.
Flip
15 comments:
You really have to get out of my head, Flip. It scares me when you blog out of my brain. (That said, I like you....I really, really like you!)
See, I just knew there was going to be a reference to Sally Field's acceptance speech at the Oscars.
Knew it.
Flip, I don't care if you like me or not. I like you. I click on your site a couple of times a day just hoping that you have posted. This space of yours gives me a lot of insight into myself.
It is completely fueled by you.
Trust me, I read and re-read every word that you type. I want to make sure I get the full meaning of every post.
Believe it.
Flip - keep going. I like you and I am am surely not alone. T
The references to AA sure don't bother me and I assure you I am not an alcoholic, but I do drink. Much of the twelve steps are universal truths - as you know I am particularly fond of acknowledgement and amends and only wish my wife's mother had shown an iota of you character.
In one sense I felt freer in my writing when I assumed I had no readers but I just fight that impulse (wait till I post what I wrote earlier). And last the fact that you compose in Word (as do I) and take pride in your writing shows and makes it a joy to read.
I'm with Brad - I'm going to keep clicking on so hopefully there will be something there.
Actually, I think what the emperor says is:
"Too many notes, Mr. Mozart".
Cheers
The Troll
Flip, I love your blog... I read it whenever you put up a post about AA or about whatever. I'm fascinated by you and what you have to say, regardless of the subject matter, because I, like countless others, care about YOU. And whatver you have to say is what brings up here. So don't pander to us... don't write things in hopes we'll enjoy it. Write for yourself... that's what we're here for.
xo
I have had to learn when it comes to blogging, not everyone is going to like me. It hurt a frist when I got a negative comment or got delinked. But that time is over. I blog for me. It people read great...if not...it is not for them. It is for me!
You will come to that point I imagine...eventually.
First of all, you need to be congratulated on your commitment to sobriety. As a current substance abuse counselor, I can't do anything unless the patient/client is willing to change their lifestyle. You appear to be motivated to change, and that needs to be positively reinforced. Outside of meetings, i would encourage getting a sponsor to help you in your recovery efforts, if you don't have one already.
No one ever said the road you are on is going to be easy....it's just "one day at a time".
Your writing makes it pretty easy to like you, Flip. It's not just the words you put into Word (then, I assume, cut and paste in Blogger -- like the rest of us, too), but it's how you express yourself.
And, actually, I don't think the focus of your blog revolves around alcohol or AA at all -- it revolves around you. And that's why I keep coming back.
Hey Flip - we all love you Bro. You are us on a different blog. We are all there, or have been there...
Flip my Bro - you are the greatest! A daily read and many daily thought about what you post... everyone here is blessed to have you...
Hi all,
I'm not sure what I was looking for when I wrote this, but I feel that you have led me to it.
Cymber: It scares me too. I thought it was my brain. Now that I know it's yours I believe I've finally found an explanation for my attraction to men (look out Oscar >:-0). And I like you too!
Brad: Thanks. I appreciate it. And I do like you whether you care or not. And I like Justin too. You guys, like your relationship, are very special.
Nate: Thank you. It's sad how your mother-in-law's experience formed some people's opinions of 12 step programs. That's why anonymity is so important (he said hypocritically). And I'm not going anywhere.
Troll: Thanks. I was trying to indicate that by saying "borrowed from" but I guess I should have said "a bastardized version of."
Hypoxic: Thanks. I knew you must be busy. I will try again. Good advice - obviously I sometimes forget that being myself is OK.
Mr. Secret: Thanks. Also good advice. I try not to pander, but it happens. Still trying to find a balance.
Scotty: Thanks. I'm trying to get to that point. I think that's what caused my post. It's a learning experience. I appreciate your encouragement and example.
Restored: Thanks for the advice. I do have a sponsor and he is a lifesaver.
Drew: Thank you. Obviously I wonder about the AA emphasis, but it is a large part of my life and therefore a large part of me. I'm glad to know others don't find the references overwhelming.
Spider: Lots of hugs back. Now I know we were separated at birth. I can't wait until we are reunited! We have a lot of catching up to do.
Thanks to you all. I love you all and appreciate what you are teaching me.
Flip
I like you Flip. I like your writing. I'm obsessive about editing myself. Who cares?
Now, do tell, an AA FA? You know, I liked American Airlines. First time I've flown them.
I just want my suitcase.
To borrow from the same movie, "Exactly which words did you have in mind?"
I think it's a perfect composition.
I like you Flip, heck I love you Flip,
Post on the booze as often as you want. I suspect I am not the only person out there who is better enabled to stay sober for reading your blog.
I love you just for being Flip. Honest, caring human.
I, like the others, check your blog often.
And there's nothing wrong with producing a work that is error-free, my friend. I think it amplifies your message.
I guess I do care whether you like me or not... It is a nifty bonus.
I guess my point was, it is not important if you like me, because I would still be here anyway.
(I just looked back and thought what I typed may have been construed as a little harsh, and that certainly wasn't my intention.)
Jetboy: Thanks. Regarding the FA experience all will be revealed over patty melts. And let me know if you don't ever get your suitcase. I will search the local pawnshops for your stuff.
Woe: As always thanks for the kind words. Feelings mutual, of course.
RJ: Thanks for your feedback. I will continue make my writing as error-free as possible.
Brad: I didn't think it was harsh at all. I understood what you meant.
Thanks again everyone for your comments. And I'm not even going to apologize for what in retrospect seems like a shameless invitation for responses and reassurance. Sometimes I need that and I love knowing you are there when I do.
Happy day everyone!
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