Twenty-Four Hours a Day
Part of the routine for many of us recovering drunks is trying to start each day with meditation, prayer and daily readings from various inspirational books. Unfortunately there are many days that I still don't make time to do this even though I know my day will go better if I do. This morning I caught up on several days' worth of readings.
One of my favorite daily reads is Twenty-Four Hours a Day published by Hazelden.
Like so many of the things I read in this book, I found the April 6 A. A. Thought for the Day a particularly useful reminder. Perhaps it is also relevant to the insights I am trying to "birth" through yesterday's post and today's comment on that post.
Please let me to share.
April 6 - A. A. Thought for the Day
All alcoholics have personality problems. They drink to escape from
life, to counteract feelings of loneliness or inferiority, or because of some
emotional conflict within them, so that they cannot adjust themselves to
life. Alcoholics cannot stop drinking unless they find a way to solve
their personality problems. That's why going on the wagon doesn't solve
anything. That's why taking the pledge usually doesn't work. Was
my personality problem ever solved by going on the wagon or taking the
pledge?
I hope the God of your understanding blesses you today.
Flip
6 comments:
Um, Flip, it's awfully hard to follow Jesus Christ, but, I'll try anyway.
Since I always make this area about me, (You haven't noticed?) I made some notes from what you wrote earlier.
Please indulge me, and I'll answer some of the statements that you made in my own sort of question and answer forum:
Q.) Do all alcoholics have personality problems?
A.) You bet I do. Didn't have them until my parents divorced and I lived through the abandonment of my father, the abuse of my stepfather and the indifference of my mother.
Oh, and somwhere in there, I truly discovered that I was gay.
Q.) What do you drink to counteract?
A.) Feeling small and insignificant as I did was a child. The fact that I am gay a
Blogger caused this to be in two parts and I do apologize.
Q.) What are you counteracting when you drink?
A.) Feeling small and insignificant as I did when I was a child. Having no control.
The fact that I am gay. I know it is something I can't change, but occasionally I still feel guilty.
Q.) Is it possible to stop drinking unless I find a way to solve my personality problems?
A.) Damned good question for anyone. I stopped drinking for a year. Justin says that it was the best year of his life. I really hope to give him more of that someday.
I suppose it is possible to stop drinking without addressing ANY issues, but I wonder if it would be a lasting sobriety, or a healthy one at that.
Q.) So, going on the wagon will solve everything, right?
A.) Hell. Phucking. No. I couldn't drink enough to even delude myself into thinking that.
But, as I've seen in the past, life does get better. In slow, incremental changes.
Eh, maybe it's B.S. to you Flip. But, you did give me the initial fuel for the ideas.
Perhaps it is a productive start.
Hi Brad,
You were brave to be the second commenter on this post. Kind of like following Brad and Angelina onto the red carpet I would imagine. I must admit I was nonplussed when I saw Jesus had stopped by.
BTW, this area is about you, the victims of my blog. I really appreciate all comments, whether you are a savior or not.
Brad, none of what you said is BS to me. I really believe each person can find his own way of dealing with substance abuse problems. Having tried a number of different approaches only one has worked for me so far, but I don't think that's the only way.
I'm not saying this is how you interpreted my post, but I want everyone to know that one of my constant fears is coming across as some sort of AA recruiter or missionary (could that be why my special guest stopped by?). That would be completely wrong and is never my intent. When I quote AA literature I really mean to show how it is relevant in my life. I didn't do that this time, I just sort of threw it out there like some sort of public service announcement. I see that now.
I went on the wagon several times before I joined AA. I felt a lot better when I did that but it was like a living hell, too. And when things got bad enough I could not resist drinking - hence the powerless part. Now I have a few tools that MAY help me get through the rough spots - at least for today - maybe. And I've also found a measure of inner peace and spirituality that I yearned for but never could find before. That's just my experience.
Brad, that warm feeling I hope you have right now is a big hug from me. You are a beautiful, thoughtful person. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your life with us.
Flip
As I keep saying, the things you write about go beyond AA and are welcome to me.
I was considering a post or comment, decided against, then read your post and comments, so what the hell:
I have been working insane hours, was at work before dawn yesterday, did not get a nap and went out for dinner where I had two drinks - well cajun martini's, serious drinks - in the restaurants new glasses, which I swear are bigger than the old ones.
I can hold my liquor, but I think the sleep deprivation kicked in and when we got in the car (the other couple's car) and they suggested we go for coffee, my wife realized I was slurring my words - something she had not heard me do in our 18 years together. We went home and I passed out. I am told I behaved okay and I see from the credit card receipt in my wallet that I paid the bill, left a tip. But I remember none of it and I find that to be very, very scary.
Not sure why I am writing this, but this morning I was thinking of you. If writing it helps you stay sober, you go guy.
Thanks Flip,
Hugs rock!
I admire your courage and your working through this in this arena, which helps others who are in need.
Namely myself.
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