A Dialogue

In my last therapy session I discussed the fact that my wife doesn’t seem that interested in me…how my life is changing through AA, my slow but steady spiritual experience, the interest I have in the service work I do each week. My doctor didn't point out any of the painfully obvious reasons why she might not be completely interested in every little thing I do. And of course he didn't need to.

Touchstones, A Book of Daily Meditations for Men, August 7 passage:

“We love because it’s the only true adventure.”
- Nikki Giovanni

In loving, we meet ourselves. As we have become more honest, we no longer make
excuses about our relationship problems. We can’t blame our troubles on our
partner. Our problems with love were often because we didn’t know how to be
close or we didn’t dare to be.

When we let ourselves engage in this adventure, we meet many obstacles – things we can’t control, and sometimes we want to quit right there. We have arguments and disappointments as well as good feelings. But what adventure is without difficulty or surprises? Part of the reason for choosing new experiences is to confront forces outside our control. A relationship is a dialogue. Only if we stay with it through the frustrations, express our deepest feelings openly, and listen to our partner, do we achieve a new level of understanding and confidence in the relationship. Then deeper levels also open within ourselves.

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Today I will let honesty guide me in this adventure of my love dialogue.

When I’m traveling one of the last things I do each day is call home to talk to my wife. I’m ashamed to admit it, but often I’m so tired by that time I just want to get the call over with. I know that’s not right, and I make a half-hearted effort to converse. But usually the hotel room TV is on and, I’m even more ashamed to admit, often my laptop is on and waiting to be “tuned in” to some less-than-savory websites.

I am out of town this week. Last night, as soon as I got back to my hotel room from dinner I called my wife. I didn’t turn on the TV. I didn’t get out my laptop. I called her and concentrated on talking to her. On listening to her. And when she said she was just babbling and if there was something else I needed to do she would understand, I told her there was nothing else I would rather be doing. And I meant it.

It was nice.

I’m a slow learner. But I’m really glad I have been given a chance to learn at all.

Take care.

Flip