Jiminy Cricket
Survey says……
NOT simple.
OK. It’s not simple. I’M simple. Or so it would seem. Well, simple-minded. At least sometimes. No, please, anything but simple!
Spider, Paul and Brad don’t think it’s simple. Dr. M doesn’t think it’s simple. So why did (yes, did. I am a whore to the opinions of those I look up to) I think it’s simple.
Maybe something Dr. M said to me today is a clue. When I told him (probably for the ten thousandth time…this year) that I want to stop it (my anonymous encounters) he somehow indicated disagreement with me. I can’t even remember how he indicated it. He might even disagree with my interpretation of, or perhaps even the existence of, his “indication.” Maybe shrinks aren’t supposed to “indicate” things. But let’s just say I sensed he disagreed. I think I was right. Because he corrected me (perhaps after I indicated to him that I sensed he disagreed with me) by saying, “You wish you could stop it.”
Oh yeah, baby. Now we’re getting somewhere. I don’t WANT to stop it, because I like it. I wish I could stop it. I wish it would go away. I wish I didn’t want to do it. I wish I didn’t do it. But I don’t want to stop…because IF I DID WANT TO STOP, I WOULD STOP. Simple! Simple concept. Made (or existing as) complicated.
Bless his heart, Dr. M was quick to assure me that he meant no value judgment. Value judgment must be a really big no-no in shrink land. Regardless, I believe him. And I love him for it.
I agree with the survey. It may be simple. But IT is not simple. I wish it were simple. But wishing does not make it so. Or at least it hasn't so far.
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On a side note, I've never posted this frequently. I don’t know about you, but my head is spinning. For the life of me I can’t tell if I’m actually communicating anything or not. In fact, I suspect my blog is turning into some sort of schizo-diary. Welcome to a glimpse into Flip’s head.
Is anyone else sick of me posting about it? Or more importantly, about IT? C’mon, tell me. it’s OK. I really want to know. It doesn’t mean I will necessarily change what I do. But I might. If you wish hard enough.
Thanks for sticking with me guys. Thanks for being there. And most importantly, thanks for adding to the message. It really is getting clearer.
I love you.
Flip
PS Paul, I wish you would start your own blog.
8 comments:
Flip - I LOVE your blog - I love reading what you have to say, your view on what is going on in your life and how you handle the things that I deal with on a regular basis. I love your blog because you make me think, you make me examine myself and you force me to deal with things - and for that I am forever greatful!
Please don't stop - and keep them coming... I think they are good for ALL of us!
And btw... "IF I DID WANT TO STOP, I WOULD STOP. Simple! Simple concept. Made (or existing as) complicated." Yea - that is a simple concept - the WHY you don't want to stop - not so simple...
Spider,
Yes indeed. The why is not so simple. And I think it's even more complicated than that.
And sorry, I didn't mean I was going to take my football and go home for good...I was just trying to find out if you guys are getting sick of my continued pondering of one main issue. That's all. I'm not sure you could run me off if you wanted to.
Thanks, as always, for being there.
F
This is one of my favorite trains to ride as well, I never know where the journey will take me next.
Flip,
You’re a daily read for me. Even when you have posted nothing new. I applaud your honesty. I feel uplifted by your true concern for others whenever you’ve visited the prison. And your successes have helped motivated me to control myself.
I don’t want to stop eating chocolate. I like it. I really do. Chocolate candy. Chocolate chip cookies. Brownies. German chocolate cake. Double fudge ice cream. You name it! But I also don’t want to be fat. That’s the conflict. I’ve learned there are consequences to my actions. (Yes, this is just one of my personal issues.)
Why no blog?
1) Semantics.
I’m terrible at it. I just spent fifteen minutes with my trusty Webster’s New World Dictionary trying to understand the differences between “want” and “wish.” My gosh! If there IS a difference, it’s got to be subtle. Or else I’m just too dense to get it.
2) Composition
I’m worse at it. I babble. I stammer. I’m afraid that an emotional/rational blog would be the death of me.
But, Flip. Don’t you stop now. Or restrict yourself. As I’ve left in many a comment, blogs are group therapy for me. I’m met more friends and gained more life insights reading blogs than I have since the days of collegiate all-nighters – where we would try to solve all the problems of the world before dawn.
Thanks. And keep up the good work.
Flip - I can only re-iterate what these other guys have said. Like them I read you every day (I cheat and do it through RSS so I may not show up on your counter if you have one).
You are my blog-brother. I love to read your stuff - it resonates so much with me. Two people separated by an ocean, in different continents, but joined in some way through fate (or is it DNA - I can't tell).
Keep on blogging. Always
Jas (Have to post in this rather odd way as I stupidly switched over to Beta not realising the consequences)
Ibid. Everything everyone said and more...just keep it coming, need not be elaborate or anything, schizo is ok (we'll have you decrypt it later.) Again, this is YOUR blog. For me, I think IT is why I come here anyways.
Brad: As you know, I'm glad you're on the train with me.
Paul: Wish. Want. My interpretation of the good doctor's words was that I wished the problem would go away...but without any concessions from me. A childish want. And regarding a blog, I don't mean to minimize the contribution of your comments on this and other blogs. I just sense that you have some great insights to share - but we'll take them any way we can get them.
jas: Yes, blog brothers indeed. I love that. The term and the fact.
Thanks everyone for your comments.
Jeez, you can't stop now and leave me as the only one wallowing aroung here - I need the company.
I love the fact that is true to its subject - it is our (the global our) subject and you add so much.
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