Sometimes...All That Is Asked Of Us
Between my ears, different battles are fought each day. Some days just small skirmishes or even just hateful glares across no man's land, some days vicious, unrelenting clashes. But the heart of the conflict seems always to be should I or shouldn't I? Past, present, future. Should I have when I tried? Should I now? Will I? Why did I? Why didn't I? Am I brave? Am I a coward? What's honest? What's a lie? What's kind? What's cruel? To whom?
Why did (breaking up, resisting temptation, working it out maturely, disappearing from the face of the earth, activism, pacifism, suicide, youfillitin) work for her / him / them? Why can't I (be brave, be noble, give up, be less self-centered, be kinder to myself, take action, youfillitin)? Why do(es) they (he, she) seem so (at peace, brave, generous, wise, thoughtful, happy, successful, dead, youfillitin)?
No outcomes appear perfect. Perfect? OK, substitute survivable. No don't, that's a bit too dramatic. Or is it?
Before the next time I peer up out of my foxhole to glare across the razorwire at myself, I'm going to read the passage below. Maybe then I'll just stare, not glare. Maybe I'll stand up, throw down my gun and walk to the fence with my hand extended. Maybe.
From Touchstones, A Book Of Daily Meditations For Men a (n almost) daily read for me.
**October 31**
Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem.
- Richard J. Foster
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As we have reached for instant cures, one-minute answers, and quick highs, we have developed lifestyles that foreclosed deeper possibilities. For instance, when we fail to stay and resolve conflicts in a relationship, we miss the joys of a renewed understanding. Our spiritual development comes in steps, small but meaningful increments that build over a period of time. Many of us have not been patient men and our newfound spiritual life is teaching us that the quickest, most efficient answer isn’t always the best.
Today, our greatest temptation may be to grab for the fast solutions rather than allowing time for small but important steps to occur. When we are frustrated, it will help to remember the difficulty may lie in our insistence on a quick answer. Sometimes simply being true to ourselves and standing as a witness while the answer develops are all that is asked of us.
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I will have faith that time is on my side and it will teach me valuable things.
Peace.
Flip
7 comments:
If you don't stop "shoulding" on youself... when you get home tonight, go pull out your CD from Phantom of the Opera and play "That's All I Ask Of You"...
Spider: Yes, I think I am full of should. I definitely need a cleansing!
HH to you!
Oh, man, is this exactly the post I needed to read today or what. "Standing as a witness while the answer develops..."
And oh that battle between the ears.
Yes, there’s a lot that I agree with here, particularly:
- Superficiality is the curse ... instant satisfaction is a ... problem.
- When we fail to stay and resolve conflicts in a relationship, we miss the joys of a renewed understanding.
However, I also know that it’s too easy not to make a decision, thinking that the correct decision will be revealed with time. And eventually time and indecision become fatalistic.
I’m reminded of this thought: If you’re not moving ahead, you’re falling behind.
I often refer to paralysis from analysis, the tendency to over-think everything (a constant I fight). I’m also a victim of avoiding conflict. Both get us (me) nowhere fast.
Personally I believe it’s far better to try lots of things and only have a few succeed, than to try nothing yet not fail.
We (I) must distinguish between patience and procrastination.
Tom: I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me the past couple of days.
Paul: You make some very good points. I think it's very important not to allow things like spirituality, surrender, turning things over to a higher power, etc. to be an excuse for doing nothing...basically just going wherever the wind and currents take one. For me, it's quite tempting at times to do that.
One thing the reading means to me is that I am responsible for doing the next right thing (or usually in my case, just trying not to do the next wrong thing). I can try to frame my decision about the next right thing using my thoughts, prayers, objectives and previous decisions. But the overall outcome of things over which I do not have complete control is not my responsibility. I used to think it was...or at least I acted that way.
In addition, as someone who in the past has too often (and very destructively) acted as though if I thought it, it must be true...and if I feel it, I need to act on it RIGHT NOW... in other words acted like a garden variety alcoholic (although drunks do not have an exclusive on that behavior), it probably does not hurt for me to practice pausing before acting a little more often.
Oh yes, the torrent of words above indicates to me that you have touched a nerve. Perhaps because above all (OK some) I am a consummate procrastinator.
Thanks for the insights.
F
Flip -
What a great reply! I'm particularly struck by your comment:
I am responsible for doing the next right thing.
Yes, we ARE responsible for ourselves. And there's a lot of comfort in the fact that we're NOT responsible for the rest of the world.
And, isn't it inborn that we usually know RIGHT from WRONG?
Simply being true to ourselves
That has become our mantra (Carrie and I) but the problem is to be true to ourselves we need to know ourselves - something you and I both struggle with.
I would like to think that the quote is pushing me home, back to fidelity. But what if the answer that develops is not the answer we want.
Not looking for immediate gratification or answers is good. Patience is good. Flip not beating the shit out of himself everyday would be great.
But ultimately your book is right: simply being true to ourselves
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