"The Private Adam"
Warning: Over the next few posts I may be quoting quite a bit more from my new favorite read, The Private Adam: Becoming a Hero in a Selfish Age. I don't know if it's such a great book, but it has profoundly spoken to me at a time when I need desperately to hear what it has to say. Therefore it is a great book for me.
I often ask myself how was I able to finally commit adultery when for so very long I had found the idea so reprehensible? Although the answer may be simple (or perhaps more simply, is simple? Um, I'm not quite ready to get that honest yet.), I usually prefer to complicate (soften? obfuscate?) the explanation with details of my oh-so-tragic life...sad little (dorky) sexually confused boy growing up in a cruel world sentenced to a life as an alcoholic by genetics and prejudice blah blah blah...you get the idea...I'll stop before you're reduced to tears.
The Private Adam, Chapter 15, "How Can We Know We're Doing The Right Thing?" page 107:The Talmud even says that the first time you do something bad, you acknowledge it as bad. The second time, it becomes neutral, and the third time you talk yourself into believing it's a good thing. That's why we need a higher code to tell us the way to behave.
Before a firestorm breaks out among my four or five regular readers, I'm not suggesting I have any idea what your higher code should be, what it should tell you or even if you should have one. I'm just talking about me. And today my higher code is the steps and principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. Principles which demand of me rigorous honesty. The kind of honesty which makes it hard for me to adjust my principles to conform to my behavior instead of doing the reverse. The kind of honesty that will keep me sober, sane and alive.
Have a great day, and thanks for being there!
Flip
4 comments:
Thanks for the Amazon link. This book seems to be an interesting -- and thought provoking -- read. How'd you run across it?
And Flip - my guess is that the "higher code" probably changes from event to event - I think that mine might... depending on what we were talking about - which brings up a new question, can a Man be directed by more than one God/higher code/higher power?
I will track down your Private Adam one of these days. But in the meantime, here's hoping your breath holds out.
Cheers.
T@C
I am close to half way through and was struck by that quote last night and will do a post myself on the book when I complete it-
Hey do we have a book club here? - Cool
He brings up many concepts but the one that I am struggling with is "authenticity". He writes of people who have lost the abililty to fall in love, who feel disconnected. He concludes
"They've lost the ability to be authentic."
I would have noticed this even if the prior (library) reader had not dog eared the page and underlined it (I hate when people do that.)
And of course the issue to me is defining authentic. Is authentic being true to my wife, not having a Chicago hook-up (an issue for us both it seems.)
Or is authentic coming to grips with the gayness, accepting that major piece of me and then learning how to best honor my family and commitments.
I suspect much of my upcoming therapy will try to figure out how many issues stems from trying to hide from an inconvenient piece of me.
Thanks for the book - as you see I am really reading it:)
Post a Comment