Today: Quieting The Imperious Urge
As mentioned yesterday, I've been feeling more consistently serene recently than in a long time...maybe ever. I attribute this serenity to the fact that, as outlined in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, my sponsor, R, "suggested" I do more service work as a way to "quiet the imperious urge," ie the urge to practice less-than-rigorous-honesty by having sex with men without my wife's knowledge.
One form of service work he suggested was having me request a list of men's names and phone numbers at the three meetings I attend most often and then call one person each day. Although R was a little coy about how, exactly, this constitutes service work (when questioned he said something like, "You need to quit thinking so much and just do it.") I suspect his reasoning is when I call and talk to another alcoholic it helps the person I call as well as me. I also believe it is an(other) attempt by R to get me more involved in the fellowship of AA and the work of my home group.
Being semi-rebellious, I've been semi-compliant with R's "suggestion." Even so, the results have been more than semi-impressive: an astounding diminishment in my obsession with finding "playmates", living (gratefully) with rigorous honesty and the aforementioned serenity. Plus I've started forming bonds with some of the men in the group. This is great news. I believe having some healthy, close, non-sexual friendships with men is going to help me meet some of the needs I was attempting, but failing, to meet through my anonymous encounters.
My usual disclaimer: I know this is only for today.
But that's OK. Today is all I have. And I'm grateful for it.
Have a great day.
Flip
4 comments:
Those bonds are so important. I am having dinner Sat night with someone I met last Fri in my new group and there is no sense of flirting or foreplay. We are both clearly looking for an outlet where we can talk freely and honestly and that at the moment sounds better than the sex (though if I were lucky when we hit the bar, I would not complain:)
I re-read your last comment on your anniversary - mine was at the beginning of month. I did not realize we were on the same cycle. Meeting you has been one of the good parts of the year.
Thanks
"reach out and touch ..."
Flip, phone calls are great. Once a month I try to just pick up the phone and call someone I haven't seen or talked to in years -- friends from college, former work friends, former neighbors. When I'm lucky enough to connect, I know it keeps me in a great mood, and better focused, for weeks.
For me - it is all about acceptance from other men... it just happens that the sexual acceptance is usually a little easier to get - at least for 30 minutes or so...
Nate: Likewise, I'm very grateful to have met you. I've learned a lot from your willingness to share so openly on your blog and I also appreciate your friendship and support.
Paul: That is a great idea. I will have to try it.
Spider: What a great point. So great I think I'm going to post about it soon.
Thanks for your comments!
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