Steady As She Goes
This latest period of being faithful to my wife feels different from previous attempts. This time I'm really grateful for the peace and serenity I feel. So far I have felt almost no longing for what I'm giving up and no resentment for giving it up.
This time I'm seriously guarding the peace and serenity resulting from the honesty. I'm trying much harder than in the past to follow my sponsor's suggestions for warding off the "imperious urge" through service work, reaching out to others in AA and generally becoming a part of the fellowship of men in my AA group. I'm trying whole-heartedly, not half-heartedly, to avoid old situations, playgrounds and playmates that I associate with being unfaithful.
I'm protective of my peace and serenity because they feel so good and because I have little to offer others in AA, a program requiring rigorous honesty, if I can't practice rigorous honesty myself.
Last weekend, amid the chaos of a kid-focused weekend, my wife and I had a chance to talk to each other about ourselves. What we like, what we don't like, things that are important to us as individuals. It was like being on a date with someone you are just getting to know where you want to learn about him / her and she / he wants to learn about you. No baggage included.
It was neat. I really like her. Just the way she is. And I think she likes me too.
F
6 comments:
I like neat.
This is lovely.
neat is a good thing...i've been thinking as i've read through your blog (i know, thinking can be a dangerous thing)...
anyway, what i was thinking is that maybe the trysts you've had have been a sort of addiction. i could be way off base, but there's something very adrenaline pumping about having the "forbidden fruit" as it were.
take it for what it's worth.
take care
Friendships -- where you care about someone else more than yourself -- ARE neat.
Yea - neat is a great thing! If you can't be best friends with your spouse, than what do you have.
I only have one comment Mr. Flip - and please, take it for what it is worth and what it is - a comment from a recovering gay drunk...
You use the phrase "imperious urge"... that has such a negative and almost evil conotation to me, and it is probably just me... what you are feeling is not negative or bad, in my opinion, it is just not healthy for you now where you are in your life and for the direction you are going. I hope you are not staying away because the thoughts are so wicked and evil...
Again, just a drunk rambling off at the keyboard...
Awesome Flip! I think parents can get so caught up with raising the kids they can lose touch with each other. This is great that you guys reconnect...
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